Why…WHY?! Can someone please tell me why the hell my toddler (aka The Demon) won’t poop on the god damn potty? It’s been two weeks. Two freaking weeks of hell. Today I left him on the potty to grab his baby sister (The Kraken) and came back into the bathroom to poop everywhere. It was on him, the toilet, his seat, the bathtub. How the fuck did it get on the bathtub? Beats me. Guess who had to clean that shit up…not daddy that’s for damn sure.
Pee was easy. That just took a bit of bribing and some cool looking underwear. A day and a half into this two weeks he was peeing like a champ. Oh and also suddenly needing to pee every five minutes because it came with a reward of one single jelly bean. Poop is another story…
I can’t pinpoint why it’s happening exactly (or why it’s NOT happening rather) and it’s going to make me pull my hair out. No matter how many times I beg, or try to bribe, or lose my shit momentarily (haha, yeah not funny), He WILL NOT POOP ON THE TOILET. Every single time poop happens it ends up everywhere but where it belongs. I’m at my wit’s end. I’m fading fast. Faster than it takes for me to run him to the potty when the word ‘poop’ starts to come out of his mouth.
I’ve tried everything with him. Literally, every god damn thing I can find on the internet. We have spent an entire day in the bathroom having a ‘potty party’ (oh it’s just as exciting as it sounds), we’ve shopped for underwear that looks super cool, used candy and other treats to bribe him, hell I’ve even let him run around my house butt naked just to see if he would realize when his body needs to go. It just isn’t happening for us. I feel like there is no end in sight. Except for his rear end that is. I’m sick of looking at it and quite frankly am starting to think this whole potty training thing is a bunch of bullshit.
I guess one of the biggest issues I have here is the fact that I have a 6-year-old boy. He was the easiest child to potty train. Took us a few days and he was good to go. He could even stand up and pee fairly straight or sit down and not make a mess. It was fucking glorious. I guess he kind of spoiled me. He was generally an easy child with all the milestones (don’t get me started on his sassy ass attitude now, though). Can I really be mad at him, though? It’s not his fault he had no problems with the toilet. The Demon is literally the opposite of him in every way you can imagine, potty training is only one of the godforsaken tasks I’ve come to dread with him.
I’m exhausted more so than usual because of this (literal) shit. I just want my sanity back. Yea I know there’s a fat chance of that happening anytime soon being a parent and all. I suppose though there isn’t much I can do other than sitting back, drink coffee (and probably booze) and hope for the best. There is literally no other way to survive motherhood. Am I wrong?
One day he will realize that mama ain’t takin his shit anymore.
May the odds be ever in my favor.